Dear Grandma...

My first memory of Grandma was when I was about 5 years old. We were at the beach for Easter, and she had hidden plastic eggs in the backyard filled with $1 in change each. Grandma really had the grandmothering job down pat. Sam had his friend Patrick visiting, and I was so proud to have such a cool grandmother. Of course, we had just entered the “Arcading” phase of our visits to the beach, so I know that Skeeball came out of the weekend with more money than I did, but after a couple of years of tickets, I think that I finally got that stuffed monkey, so everybody came out on top.

Grandma and Paw Paw’s house defines my childhood more than any other place, and I am sure that this is true for a lot of people. Easters with Bunny-shaped cakes, Summers digging holes in the sand, Thanksgivings making chocolate balls and decorating the tree on the porch. Their house is always stacked with the greatest food. While Paw Paw definitely is in charge of the cooking, Grandma was definitely the one to go to if you wanted a snack. (When we were little it was Grandma Utz’s potato chips, now it is Cheez Curls.) I mean, you can’t beat ice cream in both refrigerators. There were always people stopping by to say hello too- of all ages. I think that it is safe to say that the Ryans are an institution in Bethany Beach.

Of all of the memories I have though, I can only remember seeing Grandma actually at the beach once. And she wasn’t even on the sand. It was about 4 o’clock in the afternoon and we were about to come in for the day, and I saw her standing at the top of the boardwalk, watching the waves. When I was little, I didn’t think about it much, because she was always there sitting in her chair reading or taking one of her classic snoozes when we came back for lunch, ready to make grilled cheese sandwiches or get barbeque from the Fire Department. But now, as I look back, I realize that it was the house itself that was Grandma’s domain. Because while all of us made memories in that house, it held memories too. And even though I never saw Grandma touch the sand, there is overwhelming proof that she did. The glass coffee table filled with sand and sea creatures, the glass whale filled with sea glass- these things served as a window to a Grandma that I never knew. Because, though as a child I never thought about it, Grandma was on the tail end of her life when I met her. As a 91-year old woman, her grandchildren didn’t even get to know her until she was in her 60’s. So much of her life we only know through pictures, knick-knacks on a shelf, or the occasional Japanese words she loved to use at sushi restaurants. So while I didn’t get to see her travel the world, raise her children, walk on the beach, or even smoke a cigarette, the evidence of her life was always around her. And her grandchildren and life in this house in Sussex Shores was the final chapter. I was a part of the end of her life and she was a part of the beginning of mine.

So we are here not only to say goodbye to our grandmother, mother, wife and friend, but also to take stock in our own lives and what Grandma has left behind. She has touched all of us and helped to make us who we are. The Tao Te Ching says, “After finishing the work, withdraw. Though you lose the body, you do not die. This is the Way of Heaven”. I believe that Grandma has finished her work in this life, and I hope that she enters the next in peace and with love. We each carry on a part of her work with us as we move on into the next chapter of our own lives. When I look in the mirror, I see my mother’s strength, and when I look at my mother, I see Grandma’s appreciation of beauty, among other things. Everything I am and I will be I owe to my family, so as we say goodbye to Grandma, I can only hope that I can take what she has given me and make her proud. I love you Grandma, and I will miss you.